That is the title of my most recent work, which I have just posted to SSRN. In summary, to make the best use of my sabbatical, last summer I enrolled in a Classics seminar at Rollins College in Orlando, Florida. Among the many immortal works I read in this graduate-level, semester-long survey course, my favorites were Homer’s Iliad, Hesiod’s Works and Days, Plato’s Apology, and Ovid’s Metamorphoses. In my paper, I present some new interpretations of these four classics.